You know, something that I hear all the time from so many different coaches, especially women – this one’s for you today – is about this feeling of being invisible, or this struggle of putting
yourself out there and being seen. Like, it’s a real thing that we deal with. I know, for years I really struggle with struggled with invisibility and it was really hard and it still takes a lot of effort for me to put myself out there and be seen. So if this is something that you struggle with, because you know this can kind of get in a way of getting out there, and growing your mailing list, and building your community, and getting clients, right? So I want to share three things with you that I have been doing over the last eight years to continuously address this urge of invisibility.
The first thing is a Trinity. What I have come to learn as a brag, a gratitude, and a desire. Now, by bragging I don’t mean that arrogant, boastful, rude, put somebody else down so you feel better; not that at. All bragging is simply claiming and owning what is true. When you do something magnificent, whether it’s a little something or great, big something, brag it to another individual. Not just to yourself, but to share it in the presence of others. When you can do this you’re witnessed, you are experienced, and you get to get acknowledged, right? And that acknowledgement allows you to really digest in putting yourself out there in small ways. Starting with one on one, like you and maybe another conscious girlfriend. And then going one too many, maybe you and a circle of girlfriends or a circle of colleagues. and then expanding – right? – to Facebook lives, or being on stage, or presentations, or networking events, or whatever it is. So start small and work your way up. But begin by bragging and celebrating what is. Own the truth of what you’re doing, creating and experiencing.
After brag, give a gratitude. This is like fertilizer in the brag that you have just celebrated. Because what we put our attention on is what we get more of. So bragging is a muscle to exercise to do exactly that. And then, to give a gratitude for what is. One of the reasons that we get invisible is because we get too far into the future, or we live too far into the past, and we’re not in the present moment. And the future and the past is usually filled with a lot of fear or doubt. But when you can give gratitude, it instantly brings you right back into the present moment, to acknowledge what is and again, to exercise that muscle.
And then, once you have acknowledged what is and you give gratitude for it, and add that fertilizer, now you can state desires for what you want. Letting go of the timing, letting go of how it unfolds, just relishing in the desire. So brag, gratitude and desire. Giving a Trinity to exercise that muscle, so you can be witnessed, so you can be experienced and again, start small. One on one, maybe on the phone, maybe over lunch with a girlfriend; then one to a few, maybe in a small circle of close friends, or colleagues; and then one to many.
The other thing that I want to share with you is: be messy. Some of you know by now, I had to give myself the nickname “hot mess”, because back in the day I was a perfectionist. If it wasn’t perfect, I didn’t do it. If it wasn’t perfect, I didn’t put it out there. Now what this meant, it really is just a clever way that we put a lid on ourselves and on our gifts, and we keep ourself playing small. So if you find yourself being that that that villain that comes out – perfect Portia, as we call her – if you’re that perfectionist, know that it’s just you playing small. The world does not need more people playing small. The world needs more people letting their light shine, because as you let your light shine, you unconsciously give others permission to do the same. And your courage just has to be one degree louder than your fear. So give yourself the nickname “hot mess”, be messy and do it badly, because getting it out there, getting it done – way better than perfect!
As you get it out there, there’s three questions to ask yourself: what went right? Celebrate that! What went wrong, what didn’t go so well? Acknowledge that! And then the third question – my favorite: what will I do differently? That “do differently” question allows you to constantly and never-ending improve what you’re doing, what you’re feeling, what you’re experiencing. So be messy and have fun with it!
Oh, my gosh! When I first started doing Facebook lives, they were horrible. They’re still not that great, I still have a lot to learn, and they’re a lot better today than they were months ago. One of these days I’m gonna do like a side-by-side video when I can figure that out. But get it out there. You’ll laugh at yourself, others will laugh at you, and you’ll have fun in the process. But keep going, keep putting yourself out there.
And then, the third thing I want to share with you about being seen: have what I call a “wingwoman” – that conscious colleague, that conscious girlfriend for you, women. Doesn’t have to be a woman – that’s my that’s my term “wing woman”- and have a wing woman. I remember I was at the Lifestyle LIVE! event, and one of the gals there was really struggling with this. She wanted to do Facebook lives so much, but she couldn’t seem to ever do it. I jumped off the stage, went out in the audience, took my phone, we did her first Facebook live. That’s the power of a wingwoman! It gets you out of that stuck spot instantly. And they have your back and know your greatest desires. So, surround yourself with those conscious girlfriends, those conscious colleagues that have your back, so that when your fear takes over, you can borrow theirs.
So those are the three things that I wanted to share with you today about being seen and getting out there, so that you can get your voice out there, you can get your message out there, you can get your gifts out there, and you can get those clients that are ready and waiting to work with you. Don’t be perfect Portia! Get yourself out there, be messy and have fun with it! How do you put yourself out there? I want to hear! Post below!